Tuesday, February 1, 2011

Super XLLDIVX Preview

The Steelers are a-fixin' to hook horns with the Packers. I am not excited about this game, so I unfortunately will not be able to give my usual in-depth analysis and informed set of predictions.

Tempered Contempt

In most instances, I would be rooting fiercely against the Steelers because I can't stand Pittsburgh fans. They are like Dallas fans, only with smaller hats and better diction. But this year, because their quarterback is a rapist (or at the very least rapey), I don't have to worry about Pittsburgh fans getting in my grill.

And if they do get in my grill, it's pretty easy to start cracking wise. I can begin with a few subtle lines: "Ben is really taking it to the opposition. He's having his way with them." Then I can go with less subtlety: "Roethlisberger is attacking his prey the way a rapist attacks a woman. To put this in perspective, if Ben were a rapist, the Packers defensive secondary would be a young college girl he has trapped in a bathroom. He's just tearing them apart."

I can't watch any pregame analysis because I can't stand to hear this little nugget of insight: Roethlisberger's rape case truly changed Ben, making him a better leader who is more accessible to his teammates. Right, so that whole rape thing ended up working out well for the Steelers. Super.

Sometimes I hate sports.

Personal History with Packers

For those of you who knew me during my childhood, you might wonder why I don't care more about this game. You've likely seen a family portrait in which everyone is wearing their Sunday best while I am wearing my John Brockington #42 Packers jersey. And you likely remember my tattered Bart Starr book and my Green Bay Packers trash can and beenie.

I didn't stick with the Packers. At some point in the 80s, when I was busy with college, I stopped following pro football. I cared only about college football. When I started paying attention to the pros again, I rooted for the teams that had BYU quarterbacks. I loved the '84-'87 Bears teams with Jim McMahon and the Raiders teams with Marc Wilson. And then I hopped on the 49ers bandwagon when Steve Young took over.

During those years, one Green Bay Packers player body slammed McMahon after an interception, and Brett Favre led the Packers to an upset win over the Niners when they San Francisco could easily have won the Super Bowl.

I haven't liked the Packers for years now, but I'm rooting for them, just because I want the Steelers to lose. Then I'll return to feelings of indifference towards the favorite team of my youth.


Neither team knows how to protect a big lead. I think it's going to be a close game. At the end of a close game, I'd rather have Roethlisberger driving my team than any other quarterback playing today, including Manning and Brady and Brees. He's clutch. He's determined. He's fierce. He's dominant. He's got that strong internal drive that allows him to block everything else out and take what he wants.

Steelers 34 Packers 29